Things I Like – Part IV

Quesadillas1.  They were very tasty. Even though the cheese wasn’t melty.

  1. More precisely, the ones my human was about to put into the oven to finish cooking2
  2. That’ll teach ’em to underestimate my cheeky ninja skills. 

Magic Tricks

Hello. The sign above the door said, “Happy Dog Training Centre”. It should have said, “Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry”. I think there must have been something in the water. Or the sausages. And now, things seem well, a bit different. Not in a bad way. Just, different. I sit and wait patiently1 for my food bowl to be placed on its mat and for my human to blow a whistle before I eat. I walk by my human’s side when we’re out walking instead of leading the way. I stop and wait at road crossings. I’m also getting better when there are other dogs nearby. They seem far less frightening than they used to before. I think sausages make you less afraid.

My name is Morgan. I am a good boy sit, good boy wait, good boy come, good boy down, good boy steady, good boy what is this. My humans are very proud of me. I am a very good boy, what is this, nicely, good boy Morgan.

I hope we go back to the magic school again soon. I’m sure there are a few more magic tricks this old pirate-dog could learn. And a few more sausages to eat.

  1. And drooly. 

Sofa Club

sofa |ˈsəʊfə|
a long upholstered seat with a back and arms, for two or more people. Or Morgan.

see also Sofa Club.

The first rule of Sofa Club is, “Nobody talks about Sofa Club.”

The second rule of Sofa Club is, “Nobody talks about Sofa Club.”

The third rule of Sofa Club is, “Don’t get onto the sofa until the humans have gone to bed.”

The forth rule of Sofa Club is, “Get off the sofa before they get to the bottom of the stairs.”

The fifth rule of Sofa Club is, “Look cute and innocent if your human suspects you’ve been sleeping on the sofa instead of your nice, comfortable dog bed.”

Hello. My name is Morgan and I have a guilty secret. I enjoy sleeping on my human’s sofa. Every night. For over two weeks. I wait until they’ve gone to bed so it’s not as if they’re using it. It’s. Just. So. Comfortable. They haven’t specifically asked me not to sleep on it. Well, not in writing. So it doesn’t count.

I’m not even sure they realise I’ve been doing it. I came close to being caught in flagrante yesterday morning so today I took the additional precautionary step of getting off the sofa and into my bed as soon as I heard my human stirring. Haha. The look on his face when he saw me. The praise he lauded upon me. The first belly-rub of the day. The odd chuckling noise he made as he walked past the sofa. Humans are easily fooled1.

I’d happily let them swap so I could be on the sofa all of the time. All they have to do is ask. Nicely. My name is Morgan. I am a good boy.

  1. It amazes me they haven’t noticed the still warm dog-shaped indentations I leave behind2
  2. Or the occasional puddle of dribble. 

You Had Mail

Hello. My name is Morgan. I like to help around the house. Most recently I’ve decided to help with the mail. Whenever anything drops through the letterbox it’s my responsibility to ensure that;

  1. I announce that we have new mail1.
  2. I am the first to the letterbox2.
  3. It poses no immediate threat to my humans3.

Some envelopes are thicker than others. These are apparently called “ballot papers”. I left my very own mark on those. My humans said that I may have spoiled them. I disagree. They look much better with holes in. The pet shop my humans buy me treats from sent them a loyalty card. It was quite chewy but lacked flavour. I’ve read that newspapers are used to wrap fish and chips. Unfortunately, I have yet to find any despite vigorous scrutiny. I can’t wait to try a proper Indian takeaway if the taste of the menus is anything to go by. There’s so much variety. I doubt I’ll ever grow tired of checking the mail.

I like helping. My name is Morgan. I am a good boy.

  1. Even when they’re fast asleep in bed. 
  2. I am, as yet, the unbeaten champion. 
  3. Or perhaps more specifically, does not contain anything edible. 

Pirate Dog Morgan

Hello. My name is Morgan. My human made me a pirate ship today. Well, that’s what he said it was. I wasn’t entirely sure. It lacked some of the finer points. He said it was made with things from the Amazon. It looked like a large cardboard box stuffed with paper to me. Given that he’d obviously gone to so much effort, I thought I’d play along and jump aboard. It was then that it hit me. The intoxicating smell of buried treasure. Hidden amongst the sails. So much treasure. So many sails. So much fun. Clambering through the rigging. Getting caught in the rigging. Falling overboard. Clambering aboard again. Getting entangled in the sails. Capsizing the ship. Eating all of the treasure. 

The ship didn’t fare too well. The last I saw, it was beached on the lawn. Nestling on a bed of tattered rigging and sails. Getting damp in the drizzle.

My name is Morgan. I am a good pirate dog. 

New Tricks

I learnt a new trick the other day. It was so easy, even a human could do it1. I tricked my humans into thinking I wasn’t well. And what do Morgans’ get when they’re poorly. Freshly cooked chicken breasts with boiled rice. Yes! Result! Om, nom, nom-nom. The humans thought I was off my food. Perhaps even avoiding them. Too right I was. They were denying me my canine right to charcoal bones in my kibble2. They thought they’d won but I was in for the long game. Little did they know I can sulk like a middle-sized human. And devour a bowl of chicken and rice in about 30 seconds flat. And the best part; they’d made enough for a couple of days. I’m dining in style. I like learning new tricks. My name is Morgan. I am a cheeky little monkey. Apparently. 

  1. It would however take a clever human. Not like my humans. They really are both quite stupid at times3
  2. Previously detailed here
  3. As you’ll shortly find out.