Hello. My name is Morgan and I am an addict. It started off quite innocently. And then, before I knew it, I was hooked. Nothing was the same. Everything was grey and bland without my daily fix. I blame my human. But in all fairness, he probably didn’t know where this would end up. Humans say hindsight is a wonderful thing. It’s something dogs take for granted. I think it means something entirely different to humans1.
I digress. It was supposed to cure a problem. Not cause one. “They’ll help with your wind”, he said. “Good boy. Sit. Wait. Good boy Morgan.”, he said as he unfurled his fingers, revealing something so unassuming. So innocent. So deliciously tasty. So drool inducing. A treat above all other treats2. Charcoal bones3. Yup. My name is Morgan and I’m addicted to charcoal bones. Can’t get enough of ’em. The biggest mistake was slipping a few in my bowl along with my kibble. I guess he thought it’d be a good idea to mix them together before I ate. Big mistake. I eat them first. He took to hiding them at the bottom of the bowl. This necessitates shovelling the kibble out of the bowl and across the kitchen floor with gay abandon.
My human forgot to put them in my bowl this morning4. One sniff was all it took to reveal that my first fix of the day wasn’t nestled under a layer of kibble. Time to scout the garden just in case he’d hidden a few in the grass. Nope. I saught refuge in my bed. I didn’t have to wait too long before he remembered. I rushed to my bowl. Yes. Yes. Yes! I shovelled the kibble aside and dug deep. My nose and tongue worked in unison like a, erm, nose and tongue. It didn’t take long before I’d found and devoured every single fragment. And left the kibble. On the floor mostly.
I’m now laying on my blanket in the lounge. Pretending to sleep. He’s muttering something about, “eating the bloody stuff before we go for a walk.” It’s a waiting game. A battle of wills. I think I know who’s going to win. My name is Morgan. I am a good boy.
- They shake hands when they meet. They really should use hindsight (and hindsniffing) the way we do5. ↩
- Asides from sausages. And bacon. And cheese. And peanut butter. And dried fish. ↩
- aka “Dog Crack”. ↩
- I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. This time. ↩
- There’d be far less trouble in the World. And much more laughter. ↩